Filthy Slander overshadows Griffins first Hit-out
By Master Griffin | 17 April 2018
In an attempt to right the wrongs of the vicious rumours circulating the NHRU around beard pulling the Newcastle Griffins President Todd Trench has gone into battle for his besieged winger Brendan Wunderpants.
Followers of gutter tabloids the Maitland Mercury and Newcastle Herald may have this week seen the lies and slander spread about the flashy outside back regarding his “Beard Pulling” incident from Saturday’s game at Drain Oval. Evidently the management of the Cessnock Bumblebees had started the rumours of Wunderpants’ “bullying” tactics to try and rub salt into the Griffins already stinging wounds and somehow, the Fake News brigade made it stick.
In an exclusive for the Gazette, we can finally reveal the true story of the incident, Wunderpants was curious. “Brendo’s a good lookin bloke", quipped Trench, "but he just wanted something more to add to his game… something he couldn’t have”
It seems that ever since he reached puberty, Brendan himself was destined to wear the number 11. With his boyish good looks and penchant for grooming, the fleet-a-foot winger had never been able to muster anything more than a wisp of facial hair atop his lip that he once vaguely referred to as a moustache one Movember. So jealous of his front-row combatant’s beard was Brendan, that he simply wanted to see how it felt to run his perfectly manicured fingers through the rugged manliness that had been grown with love from the chin of said prop forward. As can be seen in the photo, his opponent obliged gleefully and even offered a friendly greeting in return.
The Gazette can also reveal the Mercury and the Herald’s motivation for publishing a story. It seems the focus on Divisional rugby has garnered quite the following over the summer, with the Waratahs ahead of the wave of interest deliberately jumping ship from the “Premier” rugby ranks. Astute rugby fans may also take note of the huge blowout against the once mighty Lake Macquarie by Nelson Bay on Saturday…. are they throwing off too to become part of the Divisional ranks??
More to come...