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Latest NHRU appointment further evidence they've just given up

By Master Griffin | 2 July 2019

Local Newcastle Premier Rugby clubs have demanded a complete cleanout of the NHRU board after it's latest feeble attempt to bolster "grassroots rugby" representation.

Griffins President Todd Trench, who received nine speeding fines after arriving 37 minutes late to his first meeting, was appointed to the NHRU board last week, and is considered the board equivalent of "Mr Bean's holiday". The first motion he proposed was to implement the sounding of a ceremonial gourd as a signal to open future meetings (as pictured right).

The Gazette attended the meeting last Thursday evening to document the president's appointment. Trench, who is fondly remembered by past griffin teammates for once carrying the remnants of a sausage roll onto the field of play in his shorts pocket, was unavailable for comment though, as he was too busy hooking into the free refreshments provided at the meeting. He then ended the night with a 90 minute unplanned speech before suggesting a boat race which he insisted on starting himself by skolling the first beer.

Wanderers president Richard Rich was quoted as saying "How can guys like him be appointed to a Rugby Union board? He has never even VISITED a private school let alone attended one..... and he pulled up in a HOLDEN CAPTIVA! Surely a club president is worthy of at least an AUDI SUV?"

As a form of silent protest, Trench was refused entry to the cigars and brandy debrief after the meeting. "Griffins Scum" muttered Rich under his breath.

More to come......