Ben Cole to serve 3 game suspension for not having immunisations up to date
By Garth Belic | 22 April 2017
"Oi i'm not even immunised ay", said Cole after wiping away some weeping from a facial lesion.
In a shocking twist, it has been revealed that Ben "Poddy" Cole is a staunch anti-vaxer. Ben has played for the Griffins over a number of years with his career ambition to be playing in the front row, only to have his dreams shattered after being simultaneously diagnosed with Measles, Japanese encephalitis and a scientifically unknown strain of Hepatitis.
When questioned publicly by a protestor on his position, Cole had this to say:
"Oi na oi, copping some Yellow Fever is part of being a Stocko boy ay. Oi F*&%#ern book knows ay. Ay Books, ay Books, ay Books, ay Books, ay Books. Oi did you see me catch that ball off the kickoff ay? Oi Books saw it. Ay Books, ay Books, ay Books, ay Books, ay Books"
This continued aimlessly until the Gazette cancelled the interview.
The courageous announcement by Cole has spurred on other questionable political viewpoints among the Griffins back line. The following has been revealed to the Gazette by an anonymous source:
- Brendan Wunderlich is a holocaust denier.
- Linden Green is a creationist.
- Benji Martin is proudly anti sematic.
- Troy Robertson has been vegan for a number of years.
- Ben Charlton supports conscription for 'dole bludgers'
- Dan Dwyer felt slavery was ok from an economic standpoint.
- Aden Wotherspoon says climate change does not yet have enough scientific evidence.
- Steve Dunn is a known scientologist.
- Josh Gold only eats food products with halal certification.
More to come.